What Happens, and What We Do When Things Happen

"We must be more concerned with what we do with what happens to us than what happens to us."
-Marvin J. Ashton.

The first time I read this quote, I was horribly confused. I had to read the quote several times to get a grasp on what the meaning was. However, after understanding what the quote was all about, I founds it's message to be profound and lasting. We must be more concerned with how we deal with things, rather than the things themselves. This implies the type of character we have; our habits, and the way we act naturally.

When the wind is calm, it's easy to have a good attitude and happy disposition. But how do we face the hard times; death or illness, spilled milk; a missing piece of a jig saw puzzle? When everything isn't peachy keen, how do we act? What is our attitude towards it, is it a learning experience, or something obnoxious? Certainly we can't all see the lesson when we are in the midst of a conflict, but do we look back with a meek perspective, or is it just another incident to complain about?

According to Marvin J. Ashton, it really doesn't matter what happens to us; what matters is how we react to it. In my personal opinion, when you hit a snag in your life, it is the time to turn to sources of comfort and to grow. Turn to something good that radiates its qualities. Turn to friends, family members, or hobbies. Turn to things that will help your outlook on life change and move through it. So when you look back on it you can see how far you've climbed, rather than how close to the summit you could have been. There are no content feelings in regret. Even if things are hard now, do your best and when you look back, surely you will feel the pleasure of success. The glass will truly be half full.

Prudent, Provident, Pioneers.

"Fix it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without."
-Pioneers

Reduce, reuse, and recycle; so maybe we still have a few lessons to learn from our ancestors. I have no idea where this exactly came from, but the concept is right on the money. I don't know the exact source, but I'm sure the pioneers who traveled to the northwest had to live by this concept. I feel that in light of the recent spiked interest in thrift shops and vintage clothing, we ought to remember that being frugal is more than stylish, or cool; it's being resourceful, it's being smart. Some people think that the second a screw comes loose the final destination is the trash can. But replacing something when a phone or iPod is plagued with a scratch wastes so much.

There's a second portion to this quote. Although not said in so many words, this quote speaks of high frugality. Of living within the means that you have. Keeping the financial crisis in mind and how much anxiety the United States is experiencing, you’d think people would spend less; apparently not... So what if you don't have the latest gadget? Are those cookies within the perimeter of the budget this week? Did you save for the holidays, or demagnetize your credit card? Does the word sacrifice have no meaning? Did you have any struggles growing up?

The United States has never been more prosperous, I think it's great the standard of living has gone up and there are higher levels of education available and higher paying jobs. But it has turned the United States of America into the Consuming States of America. Debt is higher than ever, and funnily enough, so has unhappiness. "Owing money or favors to someone gives me a sense of content," said no one ever... What happened? As the world propels head first embracing technology, maybe we need to recycle some core values.

Sometimes Pleasure is Pain

"You can please some people all the time, and you can please all the people some of the time. But you can't please all people all the time"
-Bob Marley

Who's not a fan of Bob Marley? I'd like to focus on the last statement in this quote.
How many of us want to be perfect and do everything right? As humans we need to accept that we can't do everything perfectly. This also includes giving all all notions that we can please everyone all the time. No matter what, there will always be someone who is not quite as satisfied as everyone else. We are all different; we have different wants, desires, passions, fears, preferences etc. This is not inherently bad. Certainly it is unfortunate that so many of us are left dissatisfied after a decision as simple as what movie to watch. But that is a fact of life that all people must accept at one point or another; 'you can't always get what you want.'

But the theory can also be expanded to greater decisions in life such as who to marry. You may be happy, your fiancee may be happy, your mother, father, sister, brother's dog might be happy. But there will always be that one person who is upset; maybe it's your grandfather, uncle, great aunt, or childhood friend, who wished you had picked your previous boyfriend/girlfriend. We must accept the fact that all our decisions have consequences, and all people are affected by them, directly or indirectly. We must come to the realization that whether negatively or positively our decisions have weight. We must decide whether the decision we make is worth the affect it will have on others; because you can't please everybody.

What's Really Important?

"What you do with your life is not nearly as important as who you do it with."
—John Green

Everyone wants to be successful. Everyone wants to do something important with their life. Accomplishments are everything to the world; getting a job, getting into school, how other's form their opinions of you. Every little act matters. People sometimes say, find something you love to do and do it. When you're looking for a job, find a job that you love. But what if it's not about what you do so much as who you do it with. This can be witnessed in all aspects of life, the good, bad, and the ugly. For example, now I haven't traveled a lot, so I can't know for sure; but it appears that backpacking through Europe would not nearly be as fun as if you had someone to complain about the blisters with. On the flip side, those who have few material possessions, their families seem to be the richest in happiness because they went through it with their family.

This revels a certain pattern about ourselves as humans. For some reason, when we go through something, it brings us closer together. This also can go both ways, when people work hard at something, and then accomplish it, they grow closer together. There is someone solitary and binding about enduring or rejoicing in something with someone, rather than alone in a house by yourself. So why is it that doing things together is more important than what you do? That being with your husband or wife is special, even if you are doing just homework? It all comes down to priorities and what you want. As humans we crave company; there are few things treasured more in life than a kiss from a spouse, a laugh with a friend, or a hug from a child. We want someone to be there standing alone beside us, whether it be a spouse, friend, or yes even a cat. And whatever happens, at least you'll have each other. And that's why doing things with people is more important than what you do. Because surely, the things you'll be thinking of most when you're on your deathbed is who (if anyone) is sitting next to it, rather than how many awards are hanging on the wall.

Binary Light and Darkness

"One thing you learn when you've lived as long as I have-people aren't all good, and people aren't all bad. We move in and out of darkness and light all of our lives. Right now I'm pleased to be in the light."
-Neal Shusterman

So I really love Neal Shusterman, he's written a really profound book—called Unwind—about morality and what it means to be alive. Some people have different views on his books because although it's a 'middle school age,' novel, it has quite a serious topic. You can find the book here. But, that all aside, I really love this quote. Often times, a certain question is asked, "Are you a good person?" If you answered 'yes,' you're wrong. And if you answered 'no,' you are also wrong.

For some reason, we believe that we are a very binary people. We're either right or wrong, good or bad, nice or mean. But the truth is we're not all one thing or another. We're neither good or bad, we're both. And this is why I love this quote so much. It puts the thought so eloquently. Every day is different, you can't be a good person all the live long day. We're human and we make mistakes; now don't get confused, that doesn't mean we should give up. That means that we should improve ourselves and try to do better next time. That is the whole reason for life; to improve yourself and be the very best version of you, that you can be. If we make the wrong decision, we are technically in the 'dark,' but there's always a way to step into the light. People are never all in the light or all in the dark, but there's certainly a way to be more in the light than the dark. Moving in and out of darkness only means we're human, but hopefully we're the kind of human who likes the light, not like Hitler or anyone; he definitely liked the dark.

Are You Certain You're Right?

"The people on the extreme sides of such questions often seem very certain about the right answer. But some people would rather be certain than right."
-Bruce C. Hafen

I like this quote because it has a lot of truth to it. I think that the fear of being wrong partly stems fromt the fact that we are human, and simply don't like to be wrong. Period. The end. In other regards, I also think that we don't want to be wrong because the truth is hard; it hurts.

Take the situation of Person A currently dating Person B. Person A has dated Person C a period of time ago. Person A and Person C meet together and have lunch. Later that day, Person B asks, "Where were you at lunch?" Person A responds, "Oh I had some homework/meeting/work thing to attend to." Person B is certain Person A is lying, and yet tells himself or herself "There's nothing to worry about." This is a microscopic example of how people would rather be certain than right. Person B's intuition is that Person A is lying, but is so sure, so confident that person A would never ever lie to himself or herself. So he or she deludes himself or herself into the lie.

Although a small example, the same process occurs with bigger issues on a communal, national, even global scale. When the truth manifests itself, the world comes crashing down. We relise that nothing is what we want it to be, and more importantly how we think it should be. Although people usually laugh when the phrase, "the truth hurts," this statement really hits home. Unfortunately, sometimes there is more comfort in a lie than in a truth.

Be Your Own Individual

"Groups tend to be more immoral than individuals."
-Reinhold Niebuhr

Although pretty self-explanatory, I like this quote because it pretty much explain about 70% of all problems in the world. For example, on a large scale, Nazi Germany. If the Nazis didn't have the support of the German people, there's no way those atrocities would have gone on for so long. I mean, they had lots of other things going for them too, but one of the easiest ways that Hitler controlled them was through herd-poisoning.

On a smaller scale, bullies in any setting (but we'll just focus on the playground). How many bullies do you see waltzing around by themselves? Chances are something you'll find them with at least two side-kicks. Bullies might start off by themselves, but they often attract other bullies. This them boosts their ego and then the group frequently moves from occupying the slides, to dominating the swings—the most sought after real estate on the jungle gym.

There is strength in numbers and it is painfully easy to go with the group, yet another reason why groups are dangerous. When separated, with no other influence, individuals are more likely to state their own opinion; rather than when standing next to the person who has the executioner on speed-dial.

This could be a reason why so much emphasis is placed on people to be their own person, unique, an individual; individuals can think for themselves, they have the morality groups will never attain.